Mom and I are staying together now. My parents were being confusing so I left. We are staying with some friends.We both have been thinking about you today and we miss you very much right now. I dont have a lot to say but I wanted to let you know what is going on.
I love you,
-Dad
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Dear Vincent
I'm not exactly sure what to do yet... But I will figure it out. I'm with your mother right now, and we are going to go grocery shopping soon. We are doing good for the time being. I'm sorry your not here with us...but we wouldn't be ready for you to be with us quite yet. I love you,Vincent.
-Dad
-Dad
Monday, June 13, 2011
My Dear Vincent,
Sorry darling, I know I didn't write to you yesterday, or the day before. Your father came down and we are back together. He was really happy to see me, or at least it seemed that way. We had fun with our friends, and he stayed for quite a while playing games with Casey. He wanted to come down yesterday too, but he wasn't feeling too well. Yesterday he went to his friends and spent the night. I'm really glad because he needed something to take his mind off everything. He seems better now too. I wish you could see him smile. It's beautiful. There is a sparkle in his eye that gets brighter, and his cheeks flush a little, then he shows those perfect teeth that I know you would have had.
Today I went to the department of health and welfare to get food stamps. I got the application on Friday and today I had to go back for the interview. The lady was very nice in asking about why I was in the situation I was. But I nearly broke down when she asked if I was pregnant. It made me think about all the things I won't be able to do with you. I won't get to wear maternity clothes, or tell people how are along I am, or take you out to show off. I will never get to make snacks for you, or feed you cheerios, or convince you that vegetables aren't too bad. I won't get to put you in crazy Halloween costumes, or football uniforms, or help you pick out first day of school clothes. But someday, my son, we will be together. And you have done more for me than I could ever do for you, because you gave me hope for the other side.
I told your Aunt about you today. She was very upset. She swore not to tell your grandmother, my mom, anything. I don't want her to know because I don't want her to be upset about it. It's not because I am ashamed of you. She has a lot on her plate right now anyway.
Tomorrow your father should becoming down to take me grocery shopping, since I have food stamps now. That should be fun, since we have only done a little shopping together before. Maybe it will be good training for when we live together, and get married and all.
I love you, baby. Tell your family hi. Tell Mimmie that she is wonderful, and Old Papau that we miss him dearly. Tell Grandma Susie that I have red in my hair again, that will make her proud. Tell everyone we love and miss them. Oh, and if you can find Casey's Aunt Liz, tell her that Casey and Beky miss her very much. Yesterday Beky didn't have the heart to cross her name off the marriage invitation list. It was sad.
I haven't found a memorial place for you yet, son. I will soon. Hopefully tomorrow. Maybe I will leave something at the River in remembrance of you. That would be a good place. Maybe like down where your father and I had our date for prom? Or maybe at the park in Rigby, since your Aunt Katie said she would bring me up sometimes. Either way, I will find a place for you.
I love you, Vincent August, and we will be together someday. I promise.
-Mommy
Today I went to the department of health and welfare to get food stamps. I got the application on Friday and today I had to go back for the interview. The lady was very nice in asking about why I was in the situation I was. But I nearly broke down when she asked if I was pregnant. It made me think about all the things I won't be able to do with you. I won't get to wear maternity clothes, or tell people how are along I am, or take you out to show off. I will never get to make snacks for you, or feed you cheerios, or convince you that vegetables aren't too bad. I won't get to put you in crazy Halloween costumes, or football uniforms, or help you pick out first day of school clothes. But someday, my son, we will be together. And you have done more for me than I could ever do for you, because you gave me hope for the other side.
I told your Aunt about you today. She was very upset. She swore not to tell your grandmother, my mom, anything. I don't want her to know because I don't want her to be upset about it. It's not because I am ashamed of you. She has a lot on her plate right now anyway.
Tomorrow your father should becoming down to take me grocery shopping, since I have food stamps now. That should be fun, since we have only done a little shopping together before. Maybe it will be good training for when we live together, and get married and all.
I love you, baby. Tell your family hi. Tell Mimmie that she is wonderful, and Old Papau that we miss him dearly. Tell Grandma Susie that I have red in my hair again, that will make her proud. Tell everyone we love and miss them. Oh, and if you can find Casey's Aunt Liz, tell her that Casey and Beky miss her very much. Yesterday Beky didn't have the heart to cross her name off the marriage invitation list. It was sad.
I haven't found a memorial place for you yet, son. I will soon. Hopefully tomorrow. Maybe I will leave something at the River in remembrance of you. That would be a good place. Maybe like down where your father and I had our date for prom? Or maybe at the park in Rigby, since your Aunt Katie said she would bring me up sometimes. Either way, I will find a place for you.
I love you, Vincent August, and we will be together someday. I promise.
-Mommy
Saturday, June 11, 2011
My Dear Vincent,
Your father's paycheck came in late today, so he is coming down tomorrow, and taking me back with him. We are going to church on Sunday. Then I will come home. He liked the idea of having a place to talk to you. I think he will post on here too, but not as often. Today was a good day. I got up and got ready, then went back to bed. Then I got up and made some breakfast for me and my friends. We went to find out about me getting on food stamps and welfare type stuff. Since you aren't here, you will never have to hear anything about insurance or welfare. Let me just tell it to you like this:
It takes a few certain things for people to live. Those things are food, water, shelter, and human interaction. Food cost a thing called money. Money is plants and rocks that we trade for food. Water also costs money. You have to pay for water to come out of your faucet or to be healthy enough to drink. Shelter costs money too. My friend's rent is $378. Human interaction is processed and also costs money. You have to pay for phone bills, Internet, and now in airports if you talk to clerks, you pay for it. If you don't have money, welfare helps. It helps a lot. Friends help with the shelter, and human interaction has to occur face to face.
Be glad you aren't here to deal with this.
I need to go to sleep now, darling. Sleep well, my son. I will write you again tomorrow.
-Mom
It takes a few certain things for people to live. Those things are food, water, shelter, and human interaction. Food cost a thing called money. Money is plants and rocks that we trade for food. Water also costs money. You have to pay for water to come out of your faucet or to be healthy enough to drink. Shelter costs money too. My friend's rent is $378. Human interaction is processed and also costs money. You have to pay for phone bills, Internet, and now in airports if you talk to clerks, you pay for it. If you don't have money, welfare helps. It helps a lot. Friends help with the shelter, and human interaction has to occur face to face.
Be glad you aren't here to deal with this.
I need to go to sleep now, darling. Sleep well, my son. I will write you again tomorrow.
-Mom
Thursday, June 9, 2011
My Dear Vincent,
Today started out like any other day in the life of a homeless high school drop out teenager, with a few exceptions. I stayed up all night last night cleaning because I knew today wouldn't be a good day. Today was the day I had to tell your father that you had existed, but that I was loosing you. I had been thinking about it for a while, and it made sense. I was two weeks late on my period, and I knew I would be starting birth control soon, but I didn't think there was anyway that I could really, honestly be pregnant. I started the birth control, but two weeks into that my stomach started cramping worse than usual. Your father had to hold me while I cried because the cramps were so bad. Then a test came back from the doctor saying I had abnormal cells, but my mom kicked me out the next day. I went to stay with your father, and I knew I couldn't look up anything about miscarriage there. Your aunt was using my computer and I couldn't risk her finding out. So after I moved in with a few friends in Idaho Falls, I started looking up the information. I knew, and I knew I had to tell your father. So today I told him we needed to talk. He said we would still be best friends, and he said he would be there for me through anything, so I knew I needed to tell him. The friend I am living with needed to go into the small town anyway, so we went and I went to talk to your father. He cried when I told him, and I know he wanted you too. We weren't prepared at all, but if you would have been with us, I know we could have survived. I kept bleeding so much today and after we got home I started to feel really weak. I think it was your sweet spirit leaving me. I was finally able to lift myself from the couch and go to the restroom, and we parted. I told your father, because we were speaking at the time anyway, and he cried with me. I never thought I could be so upset about someone I had never truly met. I asked your father not to leave me, because I can't handle anyone else close to me leaving. We decided your name should be Vincent August. Vincent because you were victorious in making me stronger, and August for the month when your father and I were originally going to be married. He doesn't know that yet, but he will. After a while I felt like I needed to go outside and think for a bit, but all I could thing about is you, son. You were a life that was created by a love. In my mind, you would have had your father's eyes and my nose, and his perfect teeth with high cheekbones and brown hair. You are a symbol of both of us. Your father is a great man. He doesn't always see it, but I do. He promised me that no matter what, he would help me raise you someday in whatever life comes after this. I love him, Vincent, I really do. He is my everything. I cannot loose him. While I was outside, I wrote you a letter. It goes like this:
Vincent August,
I know you were barely there, a tiny being inside of me, but I also know you represent something more. You had a heartbeat created in love. Your father was so sad to know you were gone, even though we never knew you were here in the first place. My first son, I love you.
-Mommy
Tomorrow your father should be coming down to see me. I want to find a place where he and I can remember you. A memorial of sorts. I need to go now, but sleep well my angel.
-Mom
PS: I just thought about it. The last day you were with me, your father held me for almost an hour in the morning. He wasn't just holding me, darling, he was holding us.
Vincent August,
I know you were barely there, a tiny being inside of me, but I also know you represent something more. You had a heartbeat created in love. Your father was so sad to know you were gone, even though we never knew you were here in the first place. My first son, I love you.
-Mommy
Tomorrow your father should be coming down to see me. I want to find a place where he and I can remember you. A memorial of sorts. I need to go now, but sleep well my angel.
-Mom
PS: I just thought about it. The last day you were with me, your father held me for almost an hour in the morning. He wasn't just holding me, darling, he was holding us.
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