Today started out like any other day in the life of a homeless high school drop out teenager, with a few exceptions. I stayed up all night last night cleaning because I knew today wouldn't be a good day. Today was the day I had to tell your father that you had existed, but that I was loosing you. I had been thinking about it for a while, and it made sense. I was two weeks late on my period, and I knew I would be starting birth control soon, but I didn't think there was anyway that I could really, honestly be pregnant. I started the birth control, but two weeks into that my stomach started cramping worse than usual. Your father had to hold me while I cried because the cramps were so bad. Then a test came back from the doctor saying I had abnormal cells, but my mom kicked me out the next day. I went to stay with your father, and I knew I couldn't look up anything about miscarriage there. Your aunt was using my computer and I couldn't risk her finding out. So after I moved in with a few friends in Idaho Falls, I started looking up the information. I knew, and I knew I had to tell your father. So today I told him we needed to talk. He said we would still be best friends, and he said he would be there for me through anything, so I knew I needed to tell him. The friend I am living with needed to go into the small town anyway, so we went and I went to talk to your father. He cried when I told him, and I know he wanted you too. We weren't prepared at all, but if you would have been with us, I know we could have survived. I kept bleeding so much today and after we got home I started to feel really weak. I think it was your sweet spirit leaving me. I was finally able to lift myself from the couch and go to the restroom, and we parted. I told your father, because we were speaking at the time anyway, and he cried with me. I never thought I could be so upset about someone I had never truly met. I asked your father not to leave me, because I can't handle anyone else close to me leaving. We decided your name should be Vincent August. Vincent because you were victorious in making me stronger, and August for the month when your father and I were originally going to be married. He doesn't know that yet, but he will. After a while I felt like I needed to go outside and think for a bit, but all I could thing about is you, son. You were a life that was created by a love. In my mind, you would have had your father's eyes and my nose, and his perfect teeth with high cheekbones and brown hair. You are a symbol of both of us. Your father is a great man. He doesn't always see it, but I do. He promised me that no matter what, he would help me raise you someday in whatever life comes after this. I love him, Vincent, I really do. He is my everything. I cannot loose him. While I was outside, I wrote you a letter. It goes like this:
Vincent August,
I know you were barely there, a tiny being inside of me, but I also know you represent something more. You had a heartbeat created in love. Your father was so sad to know you were gone, even though we never knew you were here in the first place. My first son, I love you.
-Mommy
Tomorrow your father should be coming down to see me. I want to find a place where he and I can remember you. A memorial of sorts. I need to go now, but sleep well my angel.
-Mom
PS: I just thought about it. The last day you were with me, your father held me for almost an hour in the morning. He wasn't just holding me, darling, he was holding us.
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